Browsing through aussie blogs last night I happened across an interesting sounding title to a blog – ‘Rove is not funny’. To be honest, I sometimes wonder how Rove manages to attract such high ratings, but I would never have felt strongly enough to take the gripe to a blog. On closer inspection, I found the blog is infact the random observations regarding the supposed decline in Australian television quality. Although I wonder if the man (I can’t find a name, he’s simply a mysterious, Australian, male, political science honours student) is just a tad overly cynical, he makes some good points, such as one entry:

If there is one thing more annoying on Australian television than Rove, it would be Corrine Grant. However, if there was another thing that was more annoying, it would have to be that bloody Mt Franklin Spring Water commercial.

Is there anyone out there who hasn’t seen this commercial? It’d be next to impossible, since they play it every second ad break.

The ad begins with an attractive woman standing in a line for what could only be a lobotomy. A dream sequence starts where she imagines the queue is a conga line. Some of the most annoying music ever composed plays obnoxiously in the background. The dream sequence ends and it is revealed that there is no conga line and the woman is just dancing by herself, looking like a complete moron. Yes, hilarious. Especially after seeing it for the 93rd time. Today.

The tagline for the Spring Water is equally stupid: “Makes you feel good.” How about a little honesty, huh? I think “Yeah, it’s just tap water” would be a more responsible motto.

Tell me I’m not alone in my hatred for this ad?

Anyway you may want to go check his blog, Rove is not funny. It is.

Pete

Ugh I hate specialists – I think it’s because everytime I go and see one, I realise how stupid I was in deciding not to persue medicine.

My wisdom teeth have been coming through for about 4 years now, but my dentist wanted me to wait until school finished and I assumedly stopped growing, to see what happens in my mouth. In late 2003, after school finished and just before I left on my travels I was told that there wasn’t enough time to operate before I was to leave the country, and the teeth were not really progressed enough to worry about heaps, but that if complications arose whilst overseas, I could arrange work to be done over there. As it turned out, there were some painful times for me, but nothing overly dramatic, so the little buggers are still in my mouth. Anyway I went for my first checkup since getting home (yes, I know I’m slack) a few weeks ago after putting it off for months, and was told they had to come out, and soon. My dentist then gave me a referal to an oral surgeon, who I visited today.

Firstly, how inconsiderate can people be? I got a phonecall this morning confirming the appointment which was quite nice but then the lady requested I arrive 5 minutes early to fill in some forms. I followed her request, filled out the forms and proceeded to wait, in the waiting room for twenty minutes. I know this is not uncommon, so why ask people to be early, when quite clearly the surgeon cannot keep up with his appointments. The receptionist apologised, explaining that it had beena particularly busy day, to which I questioned why she didn’t ring me back closer to the appointment time to notify me of the changes. I didn’t mention that I’d bet my life on his appointments being late more often than on time, but in hindsight I really should have. Double standards piss me off more than most other things in the world.

My second gripe about this guy was how he could get off charging $80 for a 2 minute consultation & form signing session. After the wait, the bastard only peeked in my mouth for about 3 seconds, explained what I had already known – that I needed teeth out – and what the procedure was going to be like, then threw me out. The receptionist grabbed my rather flabbergasted figure and demanded I pay $80 immediately for the consultation (if you could call it that), then left me, gobsmacked with the $1200 quote for the planned surgery. What is most upsetting is that dental work ISN’T covered by medicare, and only in a small way by our private insurer. How the hell can one man ripping out a few teeth cost over a thousand dollars? Oh I forgot to mention that price is without the anaesthetist and hospital charges! Total, utter ripoff. Perhaps I’ll operate on myself – I have a steady hand and I was always good at that operation board game….. hmm

It’s times like this that I wonder why I chose clinical research ahead of practising medicine. Silly boy.

Pete

It’s ANZAC day tomorrow, and this year commemorates the 90th anniversary of the Galipoli landings. If you don’t know what ANZAC day is, or what the Galipoli campaign consisted of, go and read up.

This following poem is ‘Dulce et Decorum Est’ by Wilfred Owen. He served on the Western Front during WWI, and for some reason the poem has always struck a chord with me – writings depicting war in a negative light were rather uncommon for WWI, but it’s beautiful in its own right anyway. The latin in the last two lines, taken from Horace, translates as ‘It is sweet and proper to die for one’s country’.

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of disappointed shells that dropped behind.

GAS! Gas! Quick, boys!– An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And floundering like a man in fire or lime.–
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,–
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Pete

The Cat Empire and I share an interesting relationship. I remember them as a Melbourne based street band in the early 2000′s, and I seem to recall seeing them at some crummy pub somewhere in 2002. Then of course they hit it big with their debut album in 2003. However, I, unlike the masses of newly found adoring fans disliked their work. It wasn’t that I disliked the music – it was original and funky, but there was something I disliked. Perhaps it was the insane popularity, and the fact that most people listened to the music not because they liked it, but because it was ‘cool’. Anyway I grew to detest it, especially what I deemed Russian-themed ends of songs. Anyway I left to go to Africa a screwed up, bitter man, hoping to return to Australia after a year off, and not have to remember that horribly hyped up band from 2003.

However, it was not to be the case. As I realised when I jetted home, the Empire had been running a sellout national tour throughout 2004, all on the back of the single album, now 18 months old! I was slightly dismayed, but accepted it.

The realisation that I had become (or maybe always was) a fan was when I was driving my little brother’s VL to Port Melbourne for a BBQ and a swim in January. Andy had left a CD in the player, which I turned on, and was suprised to find it was still the Cat Empire self-titled album, but most oddly I actually really liked it. So it was with that enthusiasm that I’ve embraced the band (late, as usual) this year, and in similar enthusiasm that I grabbed a copy of the new album (Two Shoes, out last Monday) from Richard, after he went out and bought it the day it was released. My brother’s are quite obviously a lot cooler than I.

I must say I’m extremely impressed. Although it would be difficult to compare to the original album, Two Shoes is really a very good effort by the band, and, considering the originality of the first album, unbelievably new-sounding. It was recorded earlier this year in Cuba, and perhaps the biggest key behind that newly found fresh funk is the obvious Latin influences filtering through to the music. I rather like how the band has gone from Russian to Cuban influence – perhaps Felix and Co. will be contacting the CCP in relation to their next venture.

Anyway I’ve placed the tracklist in grannytunes on the right, have a listen to it yourself. ‘Sly’, the first track, is in the charts at the moment, ‘The Car Song’ is Harry’s quite cool contribution (much like ‘Beanni’ on the first album) to the singing, ‘Lullaby’ is more reminiscent of the older Cat Empire, and ‘Protons, Neutrons, Electrons’ appeals to me in the geeky science way that They Might Be Giant’s ‘The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas’ does.

Have a listen, and if you like it, support the band and buy the album, from Amazon, or Sanity.

Note to The Cat Empire: Guys, in the unlikely event that you actually see this, yes I am probably breaking copyright laws. However, I have, for security’s sake encoded the audio files at such a low bitrate that no-one in their right mind would bother stealing them, but then that’s not even an issue because it is impossible to download the files in the first place. If you’re still not happy, email me and I’ll more than happily remove the songs. Please believe me when i say I am simply a poor student bum who’s just trying to get your name out there.

Pete

It seems everyone is having their two cents worth about these Bali drug shenanigans, so here I go.

For those uninitiated, Schapelle Corby is a 27 year old from the Gold Coast. Corby was arrested on October 8 last year for allegedly trying to smuggle 4.1 kg (9.0 lbs) of marijuana from Australia to Bali, Indonesia. Indonesian customs officials at Denpasar airport searched her boogie board bag and located the marijuana. Although she claims that she is a victim of a crime syndicate botch-up in Queensland, her trial is coming to an end, with a guilty verdict quite likely. Because the alledged crime was commited in Bali, the trial is being conducted under Indonesian law, which means capital punishment is not out of the question. Today (21/4) the prosecution made its request – life imprisonment. Although this in no way is the final say, judges in Indonesia rarely increase the penalty from what has been requested, meaning death is less likely, however a lifeterm in an Indonesian prison can’t be much better, if at all. The particularly bad news to come out of today, especially bad for Schapelle, is that a not guilty verdict is now unlikely.

Although I’ve changed my mind about the matter multiple times during the 6 months since Corby was arrested, I believe (perhaps unpopularly) that Corby is infact guilty. As one would expect with such a controversial topic, each argument of one side can be relatively well answered by the other. Corby insists that baggage handlers in Brisbane, involved in interstate drug trafficking, placed the weed in her boogy board bag accidentaly, and that she was totally unaware of the extra cargo she was carrying until her arrest. The prosecution would argue (and I have to agree) that 4.1kg of marijuana is a HELL of a lot – both in bulk and weight. The boogy board bag would be substantially mishapen, and considering most boogy boards weigh only 1 or 2 kilograms themselves, such a large discrepancy of weight must be noticed by anyone with even half a brain.

There is of course another argument, regarding logistics, or really financial feasibility. Why would anyone bother importing marijuana – which in Australia would have cost thousands of dollars – to Bali where the price is a mere fraction of that in Australia? There is a less convincing counter-argument that Balinese cannibis is of such low quality that it would infact be worthwhile importing Australian product – considered some of the best in the world.

However, the truth is anyone’s guess. Although I cannot see any particularly logical explanation behind importing drugs TO Bali, I find it much harder to believe Shapelle collecting her bags at the airport and walking however far to the customs point without noticing a rather substantial change to her baggage. Sentencing is due by late May, so perhaps we’ll see then which way this case goes.

A rather less controversial case involving once again Australians, drugs, and Bali unfolded earlier this week. Five Australians were arrested at Denpasar airport after boarding a Sydney bound plane, where four were found carrying heroin strapped to their abdomens and waists. Indonesian police then swooped on the Hard Rock Cafe Hotel in Kuta and picked up four more Australian’s with smaller amounts of heroin and drug related equipment. Although it’s far earlier days still, it doesn’t appear like there’s all that much to question. The death penalty is quite likely. Fools.

What is it all of a sudden with Bali and drugs? Why smuggle through Indonesia, when there is quite clearly capital punishment for those who get caught. I think I’d rather take my chances bypassing Indonesia and aeroplanes together, swimming from more central Asia straight across to Cape York, no stops. Now THAT would be an impressive smuggling operation.

Pete

Two weeks after I complained here, and six since Channel Ten started heavily advertising the fact, I have heard from a very reliable source that TONIGHT is the night.

I don’t think it would be imprudent to get excited. The love that dare not speak its name is upon us. Woo.

Pete

Now HERE’S something to be proud of. I am officially an expert drinker!

Congratulations Pete! You’re 158 proof, with specific scores in beer (80) , wine (116), and liquor (147).
All right. No more messing around. Your knowledge of alcohol is so high
that you have drinking and getting plastered down to a science. Sure,
you could get wasted drinking beer, but who needs all those trips to
the bathroom? You head straight for the bar and pick up that which is
most efficient.

You scored higher than 98% on proof

You scored higher than 89% on beer index You scored higher than 98% on wine index You scored higher than 99% on liquor index

Pete

Hmmm I got an email from Dymocks a week ago. They’ve released the Harry Potter cover design and price. $30 isn’t bad at all, and although the book is supposedly quite a lot thinner than HP5 or even 4, I’m looking forward to it deep down in my childish, wizard loving heart. Carn July 16!

Pete

What has happened to the venerable Roy and HG?

The guys started out on the right track – they’ve had a long and distinguished career on Triple J radio – that is afterall where the pair started comedy together, and still appear weekly on Sunday arvos with ‘This Sporting Life’. They were equally fantastic with the Sydney version of ‘The Dream’, and for a time with their other TV shows, including ‘Win Roy and HG’s money’, ‘The Monday Dump’ and ‘Club Buggery’, but surely the fact that these shows (ie the non Olympic ones) simply don’t seem to last long with the networks would be sufficient evidence to suggest that the guys don’t really have what it takes to lauch a long-running, highly accessible and most importantly good TV show.

However, these less than reassuring knockbacks don’t seem to have stopped them trying to break into television again. I read in the paper sometime in February that the boys would be back this year with a new program, and this week I caught about 15 minutes of ‘The Memphis Trousers Half-Hour’. I must admit I am pleased that they boys are back at the ABC, where they bloody well belong. I am also pleased to see them try something a bit different, although as one must expect (and be pleased about) the guys still revolve heavily around sport. The big difference that I found interesting was that it at least appears to be non-Australian. A quick look at the synopsis that the ABC publishes describes Memphis Trousers as an Australian-themed show filmed and produced for American viewers, to “ensure that Australia is the flavour of the month, every month” for our American cousins.

Although this would be an interesting tilt for Roy & HG to take, it is (unfortunately) not the case. Although most of the websites I looked at regarding the new show seem to fall for what Roy and HG are telling them, it is obvious, at least from my viewpoint that the show is not – however much the show will try to tell us – an American program. I doubt it has ever, or will ever screen to American audiences apart to the few who subscribe to channel oz on satellite.
Seppies simply have drastically different senses of humour to us Australians (they even spell the word differently), and as such, Roy & HG trying to launch there would be as disastrous as trying to launch a singing career in deep space. Deep, vacuumey, cold space.

Anyway from what I could see the show was watchable, but nothing special. Understandably nothing the boys could pump out would never be as exciting as Olympic Roy & HG broadcasting, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect something at least pretty good from the pair – they are afterall bloody good at being funny. I think I’ll be suprised if the show is still around in 6 months to a year, but then again sometimes suprising things happen.

Pete

Just quickly, how good was the match on Friday night!? The first Friday night footy I’d been to in about 2 years, and it was to see Carlton come back by almost 30 points at 3/4 time to win by 4! I love beating the Bombers almost as much as I do beating the Pies – and trust me THATS a lot.

Anyway my rant for the week is directed at Channel Ten, and specifically their advertisements for the OC. I am perfectly aware that it is a completely rubbish show and until December I wasn’t even aware of its existence, but have since started watching as a result of what I’ve been told by friends – that people that didn’t watch or like the show were friendless and made mockery of at university, or in some cases were treated like medieval witches and burnt at the stake. I decided to watch the season return in February, and have since caught most of the new season but have become increasingly dissatisfied over the past few weeks by channel 10 not living up to their promises of girl-on-girl action. Now don’t think of me as a total perve or anything – it’s not like I’m watching the show just to see some lesbo scene, but I do believe that if you advertise a product (especially one as tantalising as girl love), the product should bloody well be delivered. Channel Ten have been pushing (and pushing bloody hard) the Marissa-Alex thing in ads for the OC for about 4 weeks now, promising all sorts of shenanigans, but nothing has happened. That, in my book is deception.

Ahh well lads, we just have to have faith that it will happen eventually. Maybe next week….

Pete